They claim that sarcasm is a sign of weakness, but who cares what they think?! While some may consider that sarcasm is a dangerous path to take, others believe that sarcasm is a sign of intelligence. “Sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit but the finest form of intelligence,” Oscar Wilde once wrote.
See? We sarcastic types are incredibly intelligent! In all seriousness, though, such statements do have some scientific merit. According to a 2015 study published in Scientific American, sarcasm can actually boost creativity flow. Consider this: sarcasm does not appear out of nowhere. To come up with a caustic remark on the spot, you have to be quite creative and clever. Sarcasm is, in some ways, a form of creativity. It might even inspire you to be more creative.
Types of Quotes
Sarcastic Quotes On Life
But tread carefully—on the other hand, many therapists advise that sarcasm can seriously harm relationships. So, while strengthening our sarcastic muscles may be beneficial to our future creative ventures and IQs, using too much sarcasm with our loved ones can put us in danger.Are you willing to take a chance? Here are some of the best sarcastic sayings and phrases.
- “Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.”
- “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
- “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
- “My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.”
- “After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.”
- “I lost your number. I lost it when I hit ‘delete.’”
- “I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”
- “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
- “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
- “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”
- “I either have my hair and makeup done or look homeless. There is no in between.”
- “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.”
- Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican druglord.”
- “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time.”
- “There’s someone for everyone and that person for you is a psychiatrist.”
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
- “I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of a cheesecake or something.”
- “Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.”
- “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
- “There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.”
- “Tuesday is Monday’s ugly sister.”
- “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
- “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
- “Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
- “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
- “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
- “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Epic Sarcastic Quotes
Comedy has a way of helping us understand we’re all going through the same things in this crazy world, whether it’s a play on words, an amusing comment on ordinary occurrences, or old witty sayings. “So true!” you’ll exclaim as you read these amusing quotations about work, love, friends, and family. Others will make you reminisce about funny, meme-worthy movie and television moments.
- “For Halloween, I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one is going to know it’s me.”
- “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”
- “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
- “My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.”
- “It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.”
- “Autocorrect still thinks I want to say ‘duck’ 12 times a day.”
- “My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.”
- “During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.”
- “Don’t confuse a smile with someone baring teeth.”
- “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
- “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”
- “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.”
- “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.”
- “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
- “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
- “Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.”
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
- “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
- “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
- “You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.”
- “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
Sarcastic Quotes On Myself
Take a break from your day to check out these hilarious quotations from stand-up comedy, novels, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows that are sure to make you laugh.
- “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
- “Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.”
- “Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.”
- “Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.”
- “They say ignorance is bliss but I find yours rather disturbing.”
- “My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.”
- “Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”
- “Underestimate me. That will be fun.”
- “You suck. You should fix that.”
- “I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.”
- “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.”
- “People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.”
- “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
- “No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.”
- “Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.”
- “Life’s good, you should get one.”
- “Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!”
- “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” Sir Winston Churchill
- “If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”
- “Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.”
- “I’m starting to think my purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others.”
- “Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status they should have ‘independently owned and operated.’”
- “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
- “Some people really suck. Avoid them.”
- “So many people worry about their physical appearance and material possessions, that they completely disregard their crappy personality.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Idiots
Sarcasm is a fairly prevalent kind of communication that is employed all the time nowadays. Delivering a satirical remark with a touch of humour is what it means to be sarcastic. It also happens to be a fantastic way to start a conversation with friends, relatives, and just about anyone on the street.
- “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.”
- “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.”
- “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”
- “Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.”
- “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
- “Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.”
- “They say good things take time… That’s why I’m always late.”
- “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
- “Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
- “I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently ‘a way out’ wasn’t the right answer.”
- “The older I get the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.”
- “It’s amazing how clean my house can get when I’m pissed off.”
- “If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.”
- “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.”
- “What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.”
- “Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.”
- “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
- “Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?”
- “Being an adult is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane.”
- “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.”
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
- “My life is just a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks.”
- “Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.”
- “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”
- “I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment.”
- “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
Sarcastic Quotes On Stupidity
Many well-known authors, such as Voltaire, Erasmus, Horace, and Alexander Pope, were famed for their satire. The best sarcastic statements are those that are both blunt and clever at the same time.
- “Whenever I go running, I meet new people… like paramedics.”
- “My favorite party trick is not going.”
- “When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.”
- “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.”
- “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
- “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.”
- “I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.”
- “If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!”
- “You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low.”
- “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
- “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
- “People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer.”
- “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
- “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.”
- “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”
- “My alone time is sometimes for your safety.”
- “Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.”
- “I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships. I can’t even fake a hello to somebody I don’t like.”
- “Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I’d be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.”
- “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”
- “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
- “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.”
- “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.’”
- “Be happy. It drives people crazy.”
- “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.”
- “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” Steven Wright
Sarcastic Quotes About Love
The following are some amusing sarcastic remarks about how twisted life can be. These witty snarky quips are all too familiar.
- “You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally.”
- “Apparently rock bottom has a basement.”
- “If they act like they can live without you… Help them do it.”
- “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.”
- “My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.”
- “Not a single one of my multiple personalities like you.”
- “Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.”
- “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”
- “I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.”
- “Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.”
- “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.”
- “You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!”
- “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!”
- “I wish more people were fluent in silence.”
- “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
- Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
- “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
- “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
- “I don’t fall asleep. I overthink myself into a coma.”
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
- “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
- “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
- “I’m not a hot mess. I’m a spicy disaster.”
- “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.”
Short Sarcastic Quotes
“Take the grenade in order to boost your ego,” people say. It’s no surprise that sarcasm, especially powerful dry sarcasm, is necessary from time to time. Take a look at these witty quotations that also carry an inspirational message.
- “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.”
- “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
- It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”
- “I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.”
- “Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.”
- “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
- “You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.”
- “I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.”
- “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
- “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
- “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
- “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
- “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.”
- “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”
- “Find your patience before I lose mine.”
- “I found your nose. It was in my business.”
- “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”
- “Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?”
- “I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business.”
- The whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel.”
- Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.”
- “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
- “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
Sarcastic Quotes For Enemies
“My boss used to be my shining star, but I learned that individuals appear bright until they speak.” This type of witty sarcastic remark is great. Here are some of the funniest snarky quotes you’ll ever read.
- “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
- “We all know someone who speaks fluent crap.”
- “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.”
- “This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.”
- “My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off.”
- “I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.”
- “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”
- “Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.”
- ““If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”
- “I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.”
- “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
- “Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.”
- “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”
- “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” Robin Williams, Actor
- “I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”
- “You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.”
- “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
- “I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode.”
- “Sweating while you shop counts as exercise.”
- “I need to teach my facial expressions how to use inside their voice.”
- “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
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